You are viewing iroshi

25 January 2013 @ 12:06 pm
I'm sorry, but growing up in KC, and then living for two decades in D/FW, I just can't get serious about the "traffic" here in Fayetteville. I just can't do it. I have a friend who gets really, really *upset* about the traffic, and it's all I can do to keep from laughing at her sometimes when she's driving us to lunch... Oooh it took us *seven* whole minutes to get here instead of the normal *five*?

No matter where you live in Dallas, it takes at least 20 minutes to get anywhere worth going to. You *might* have a grocery store within 10 minutes of your home, but not always. The only time our freeway traffic goes slower than, say, 45 mph, seems to be if there's an actual accident, whereas getting on a freeway in D/FW anytime between 4:30 and 6 pm means you're going to go down to 20 at times, if not come to a complete stop more than once.

And driving in KC? Traffic isn't heavy and slow, like in Dallas, it's *scary*. You think you've got assholes here? Driving on the freeways in KC scares me - sharp twists and turns, narrow lanes, and people doing 80 mph or more in 55 mph zones...and places where the turns are sharp enough that they have to lower the speed limit to 40, on an interstate, because anything with a center of gravity higher than a minivan will topple sideways if they go any faster than that.

Yeah, I find driving in rush hour in Fayetteville to be quite meditative, actually. It takes me 20 minutes to get to work on a reeeeally bad traffic day. It's usually between 12-15 minutes, and I actually get to drive the speed limit except when stopping at lights! Gonna take a lot more than the occasional driver cutting me off to rattle me.
Current Mood: calmcalm
24 January 2013 @ 07:28 am
Of course, being me, it would be weirder to wake up 'normal', I would think. :) Since facebook started letting us post longer status entries, I've stopped updating my journal. That's bad, because FB does *not* let me go over my history like this does. It's great for social communication, but I started *this* journal more as a real journal than as a social network...I merely used the social networking effect to get me to keep up the journal more often than I had previous iterations.

However, I really do need to be able to go back and read over how things have changed in my head over time, so I'm going to try to post here at least once a week from now on. 'Try' being the operative term, but we'll see how it works out.

To start with, I'll just copy the status update I just posted to FB for now:

I'm not sure what I was dreaming that caused it, but I woke up this morning feeling utterly exhausted, and I honestly thought that I had hit the snooze button *multiple* times. My snooze lasts for 9 minutes, and I was pretty sure I'd snuffed my alarm for nearly an hour. I was disappointed in myself because I'm trying to move my wake-up time back from between 6:30-7 (my alarm had been set for 6:30 before this week) to 6am so I can exercise in the mornings. I knew I hadn't scheduled myself to exercise *this* morning, so I was only getting up to help set my bio clock, and so I was mad at myself that I'd slept in anyway.

Dragged myself into the bathroom, and as I was coming back to get my clothes for the day it dawned on me that it wasn't light enough out for it to be nearly 7. I looked at the clock again. 6:10. I'd only hit snooze ONCE. WTF?

Yay for me for getting up like I wanted to, but that was really discombobulating!

(Side note: that's such a fun word, discombobulate!! I totally thought it was slang, and it was originally, but it's been around since 1825 or so, so it's completely a real word. It was originally discombobricate, though, isn't that funny? How cool!)
Current Mood: discombobulated
10 October 2012 @ 07:10 am
Hippo birdies two ewes, archanglrobriel! YAY!
So I was reading a few cute internet articles, wasting time while I wake up (I am *not* a morning person, so I stick to the shallow end of the mental pool until I get a little more blood sugar feeding my brain in the mornings) and I came across something titled "10 Reasons Why You Should Never Date a Geek" on

Now, I'm not expecting anything too cerebral from a website called "The Gloss", but like I mentioned, it takes a while for my brain to boot up in the mornings, so I do tend to enjoy mindless fluff...this only qualified for half. It wasn't fluff, but it was pretty mindless. I started to reply, but then I found myself writing an entire essay and decided it needed to go somewhere other than the little reply box. So here is my reply to the 10 reasons why Brandy Alexander shouldn't be dating anyone, let alone a geek:

Goodness, you are the shallowest person I've wasted the energy to comment on. My overall impression after reading your ten points was that you shouldn't be dating *anyone* until you figure out why you want to date in the first place. More specific responses:

1. They never go to bed.
He'd rather be on their laptop instead of on you.

If you can't understand the difference between going to bed and having sex, you've got problems. I hardly ever end up having sex *at bedtime* because you know, we go to bed when we're sleepy. Sleepy is not conducive to good sex, let alone mind-blowing sex, because there's that whole *tired* factor getting in the way. Maybe you're dropping hints when you should realize that most geeks don't catch hints...on the other hand, if you just *said* you wanted to have sex, I'm fairly sure the computer would get dropped in a heartbeat. (Unless, of course, you were stupid enough to say this in the middle of heavy fighting of a guild raid, 'cause that's just RUDE.)

2. They actually consider relationship KPIs.
What's a KPI? It's a key performance indicator, a term you felt obligated to Google on your second date when he asked you what KPIs you're tracking to measure his success as a potential suitor.

*Everybody* considers KPI's. They just don't call them that or actually *admit* it, let alone talk honestly about what they're judging each other on. Don't you hate it when you think something's going well, and your date says to you at the end of the night that they think it's just not going to work out? Umm...based on what, exactly? See, I may have a fascinating conversation with someone over the course of an evening, and have no interest in going to bed with them, let alone spending day after day with them. If there was no laughter, then there was no long-term prospects. I *need* a partner I can laugh with. And that's something I'm up front and honest about - is it a KPI? Yes, yes, it is. I've never heard the term before today, but everybody *has* them. Geeks are just into HONEST interaction. It saves time and pain for everyone.

3. They're always checking their email
Normal guys have mobile addiction problems, but they learn to stifle the constant buzz of their BlackBerries and the glow of their iPhones. Geeks, however, just can't tear themselves away from their email. Is it the awe of constant communication or the mystique of the bug reports? If only he would CC your feelings more often.

It's not that geeks are addicted to the internet. It's that geeks have superspeed brains and they need to be kept entertained. I've had to train every person I ever lived with that if I'm reading or on the computer (or reading ON the computer, which is frequent these days with eBooks), it does not mean that you shouldn't talk to me...because reading is my default. If I'm not doing anything else, I'm reading. I am INCAPABLE of sitting and not doing anything. I can't do it. I start twitching. When commercials come on the TV show we're watching together, if one of us doesn't start talking right away? My tablet gets turned on and I read the next few pages of the book I was reading while waiting fot the show to come back on. If you'd actually tell your geek date that you wanted to talk about something, he'd likely listen...but when the silence drops when you finish a topic? The phone will come out, because his brain is whirring with a thousand things more interesting than just staring into your eyes, no matter how pretty they might be.

4. They're always checking in.
Are you on Facebook Places? Lame. Hold on one sec, he's busy checking in on Foursquare, on GetGlue, on Sonar, on SoundTracking, on Tumblr, on Instagram, on Google , on Klout, on GitHub...

How exactly is this complaint different from #3?

5. They dress like Mark Zuckerberg.
He can't make money like Mark Zuckerberg, but he can certainly dress like him. He sports a new start-up shirt everyday, partially covered up by the same navy zip hoodie. What's Aviary? A super comfortable tee-shirt, and also a photo editing platform or something something.

You know, I just can't come up with a witty criticism of this one. Because honestly? If you're criticizing clothing choices, then you definitely should not be dating a geek. You don't have the mental capacity to appreciate anything below skin level, and I feel sorry for you. Now, if you wanted to complain about a horrible habit of dressing like Dumbledore - ridiculously bright colors or things that hurt your eyes just by existing - then there might be something worth responding to here. But seriously? You're complaining about a MALE who dresses in jeans and T-shirts?? You're describing every male I've ever known...except for the gay ones. Okay, and the ones who have jobs that require suit and tie, yes, but I mean when they go home and get COMFY. Suit and tie business guy in my office? Wears jeans & T-shirts when he's cycling to and from work, so I'm pretty comfortable in saying that's what he wears a lot of the time at home, too. Gay guys? Mostly only wear T-shirts if they're cute or sexy. Comfy is reserved for pajamas.

6. They won't stop talking about coding.
Do you know what a variable is? An API? UX? UI? Just forget it. He's got to talk about this product and he's got to talk about it now. Forget your UTI, he'll get a specialist to fix that ish.

So...are the only geeks you know programmers? Because my geek is more likely to talk about rewiring amplifiers, the pros and cons of different guitar electronics, or what computer hardware he's looking at upgrading our systems with. He doesn't code. But he IS the guy all our friends go to when trying to get supposedly plug-and-play components to actually RUN. He's an electricity geek, not a programming geek.

But this issue of yours is a great place to address my overall impression of your "article"*. You should not be dating until you figure out WHY you want to date someone. If you want honest companionship, then you need to find someone who has similar interests to you, because clearly you're not interested in caring about anyone else's interests besides your own. If you just want sex, then quit trying to have a relationship with a geek and just ask them for sex. I'm sure most of them would be happy to oblige!

*(I'm sorry, but 10 pictures of Zuckerburg and 20 accompanying sentences is not an article. It's not even enough text to qualify as coherent rambling.)

7. They trash talk websites so much so you can't send any links.
You legitimately thought "37 Pictures of Puppies Running Toward Kittens" was a worthy read. See those photos of super cute dogs? NO, he only sees bugs.

Aiyi...If you think pictures of puppies is something a geek is going to be interested in, I refer you back to my response to number 6 - why bother having a relationship with someone if you're NOT going to bother to learn anything about them or what they're interested in? You know, if I find a great fanfic with professional quality writing, excellent characterization, an intriguing plot and an amazing twist at the end worthy of M. Night Shyamalan? I am *not* going to send that link to my partner. I've got like three geeky friends who'd love to read it, but my geek guy isn't one of them. I also know who to send the adorable pictures of puppies to...and there's only one friend on the overlap between the fanfic readers and the cute puppy likers. Again, neither is my geek guy. But an amazing article on electronics, an intriguing article on politics, news on new science? *Those* I would send to my geek guy - even if it's an article I only scanned because I'm really not interested in that - because I know *he* is interested in it. Of course, I would add a comment in the email along the lines of, "I haven't read this, but the topic sounded like something you might like. Let me know if it's any good!"

8. They spend too much time at all-night hackathons.
You're beginning to suspect that these "all nighters" are with "coders" who "understand" him are, in fact, just sluts. And you will throw bitches fucking down before he cheats on you with a bunch of hypothetical sluts.

::blinkblink:: Okay, you're seriously missing something about most geeks - what they SAY is actually what they MEAN. Until you learn that key item, I'd suggest you keep your dating in the shallow end of the gene pool. Of course, maybe if you had the intelligence to keep their attention for more than a minute (and judging by your complaints on items 1, 3, and 4, you haven't managed that) then you wouldn't have something to *worry* about. Otherwise, you're just coming across as a jealous bitch who needs to get her own life so she'd understand when other people actually *have* one and dating someone (or even marrying them!) does not mean that you get to summarily tell them to stop having their own life.

9. They brag.
He dates you over Facebook, he proposes over YouTube, he Pinterests your wedding, he infographs your pregnancy, he Instagrams your childbirthing. He would even blog your separation.

Okay, this would be more of a valid complaint if I weren't quite sure that you do the same damn thing on the phone to your girlfriends. And honestly? If you made it through the FB dating and YouTube proposal, why were you surprised at the Pinterest wedding? And you have *no* reason to complain about the rest, because you should have known by then that that's how he was. Never, EVER marry somebody thinking they'll change. Marry somebody that you like the way they ARE.

10. Sometimes you feel like they're only interested in evaluating your back end.
He's so smart, but he's sooo shallow.

And you're only interested in evaluating his clothing choices? What, a smart guy isn't allowed aesthetic appreciation of your body? Geez, when somebody evaluates my back end, I smile and feel pretty. Of course, if they can't talk to me and keep me entertained when I'm facing them, then they won't get any more to appreciate than the window dressing, but that doesn't mean I'm going to criticize anyone for appreciating a body. (If they're *not* appreciative of your body, you're going to have problems with the whole sex-thing, I gotta warn you.)

In summary, I go back to my initial paragraph. You shouldn't be dating *anyone* until you figure out what you want in a partner and why you're dating in the first place. Based on your commentary, I can't understand why you were attracted to a geek in the first place, unless you just decided to pick one up because an internet article told you to. Yeah, that seems about your level of cogitation.

Get a life outside of judging people. And then maybe someone will be interested in sharing it with you.
26 June 2012 @ 03:43 pm


Every 10,000 years or so, reports the Weekly World News, hell actually does freeze over. A rare storm brings a massive amount of snow and ice to the infernal regions, and even the Lake of Fire looks like a glacier. "Satan himself was seen wearing earmuffs and making a snowman," the story says about the last time it happened. I foresee a hell-freezes-over type of event happening for you in the coming months, Cancerian -- and I mean that in a good way. The seemingly impossible will become possible; what's lost will be found and what's bent will be made straight; the lion will lie down not only with the lamb but also with the sasquatch. For best results, be ready to shed your expectations at a moment's notice.


If you play solitaire, your luck will be crazy strong in the coming weeks. If you have candid, wide-ranging talks with yourself in the mirror, the revelations are likely to be as interesting as if you had spoken directly with the river god or the angel of the sunrise. Taking long walks alone could lead to useful surprises, and so would crafting a new declaration of independence for yourself. It'll also be an excellent time to expand your skills at giving yourself pleasure. Please understand that I'm not advising you to be isolated and lonely. I merely want to emphasize the point that you're due for some breakthroughs in your relationship with yourself.


"In purely spiritual matters, God grants all desires," said philosopher and activist Simone Weil. "Those who have less have asked for less." I think this is a worthy hypothesis for you to try out in the next nine months, Leo. To be clear: It doesn't necessarily mean you will get a dream job and perfect lover and ten million dollars. (Although I'm not ruling that out.) What it does suggest is this: You can have any relationship with the Divine Wow that you dare to imagine; you can get all the grace you need to understand why your life is the way it is; you can make tremendous progress as you do the life-long work of liberating yourself from your suffering.
10 June 2012 @ 01:16 pm
Happy birthday standing_dragon! :)
10 June 2012 @ 01:12 pm
We had an *awesome* family day yesterday. Packed up Vicki and the kids and headed out to Lake Ft. Smith after lunch. The kids spent a few hours on the playground while the grown-ups enjoyed the view and chatted. We had sliced apples and gatorade for snacks in the heat. Bri wanted to get closer to the lake, so we headed over to a place where the shoreline wasn't a drop-off and tossed rocks in the lake for a while. Found out Chris is *great* at skipping stones. Then Bri wanted to take a hike, so we dropped Vicki off at the Visitor's Center and headed out on one of the trails. Walked about a half-mile (calculated on the map after we got back) before we decided to turn back. Hiking a mile in the Ozark mountains was goooood exercise. Up, down, over rocks and tree roots. Saw some great views of the lake and Bri and I checked out some cool spider webs up close. One was just a normal spider web, but the second was a funnel spider and the layering of the web as it funneled in to the hole in the tree where we could juuuust see the spider hiding was really cool. We also made the kids be very very quiet for a minute when we were crossing a little creek so we could enjoy the sound of the water splashing over the rocks.

Then there was the purpose of the trip - pool party! 2 hours in the pool, hot dogs and home made ice cream. Bri did not manage to learn to swim, but she did get her courage up enough to go down the waterslide (both kids wanted us to say we'd catch them, but backed off on learning they *would* go under when they hit the water, even if we promised to pull them back up right away) and beyond a little bit of coughing when she came up decided that it was AWESOME. :) I heard from Vicki after we were over in the food area eating the hot dogs that apparently people had noticed that I have several hickeys on my shoulders. She said one person had commented, "Looks like she had fun!" ^_^ Why yes, I *am* quite happily married. :P Also, Chris thought it was very odd that at one point a girl told him that she liked his beard. do I!

Got home tired but very very satisfied. Even the kids didn't complain about brushing their teeth and heading right to bed. (Of course, since the pool party was from 6:30 to 8:30 and it's about a 45-minute drive to the park, it was almost 10 by the time we got home, so yeah, no complaints from the kids about going to bed an hour past bedtime after a great day. :)
Current Mood: contentcontent
31 May 2012 @ 09:58 am
The userpic for this entry is important. No, really, it's something I wish I could say to EVERYONE I interact with and make them listen. "Before you talk to me, I should warn you: I am kind of strange." (copyright

I admit that I'm scary intelligent. I never finished college out of lack of ambition, not lack of ability. I know that I can write eloquently. I know that for the most part I come across as friendly, caring, personable, bubbly, bright, and gods forbid, sometimes even *perky*, in personal interactions.

What Generic!Person doesn't see, however, is the years of drama classes I took to be able to present the correct facial expressions and body language to convey that attitude. What they don't see when reading my fanfic is the hours I spend struggling to word things just so to convey the picture in my head.

What GP doesn't grok is that when I'm having a chatty conversation or typing out a quick reply on Facebook is that I actually SUCK at communication. It's HARD for me. It's the single most difficult thing in the world - figuring out which words, said in which way, what mannerisms are needed, to convey what I mean. And I can't always do it on the fly.

So when I ask on a large FB group for a recommendation for a type of product, and the first one offered is more expensive than I want to pay, and I reply with, "And for those of us who can't spend $20 on a single half-ounce bottle of anything, let alone something we use for every single manicure? ^_^"

I added the frickin' emoticon! They're supposed to convey tone of voice over text, right? Well, that was meant to convey a light-hearted, joking tone of voice! But I got told I didn't have to be so snarky, and another person called me a jerk.

It wouldn't have been a big deal, except that I deal with this every day, it feels like. And it was one too many straws yesterday and I just broke down crying. It makes me feel like interacting with people isn't worth the effort, isn't worth the struggle, no one wants to hear my opinions anyway, so why do I bother. Just read, get the information I want, and go away. I have Real Friends - sometimes I'm amazed at how many of them I have gathered over the last ten years, that I need more than one hand to count them!! - and I should just stick with them only and only talk to people who understand that if they think I'm being rude, they should tell me they took it that way and let me tell them whether I meant it that way or not. My Real Friends know that it's more hurtful to me to let something I said slide without telling me it hurt their feelings than it is to just *say* something and give me the chance to apologize.

But for now, I'm hermitizing again. Fuck the world and the horse they rode in on. I'll keep my precious thoughts to myself for a while. GPs are not worth the effort it takes me to translate my thoughts into language they can understand.
Current Mood: rejectedrejected
18 April 2012 @ 10:09 am
Brianna asked me last night, "I know English is your -main- language. What other ones do you know?"

I told her that I only spoke English. I don't know any other languages. I know a few *words* in a lot of languages, but to say you "know the language" means you know it well enough to have a conversation in it.

So she asked how many languages I know bits of. Umm...gee...lots? I can say "I love you" in a half dozen languages (thank you, Sandi Patti! ;) I can count to ten in Japanese, say sweet, cute, hello, goodbye, thank you, and hawk (it's my middle name). I can sing a few lines from a couple of songs in French, though one of them I've forgotten what it means. I can say "a little dictionary" in Afrikaans - how many people outside South Africa can say that? ^_^ Brianna knows more Mandarin than I do, due to one of the cartoons she watches. I can say hello and that's it.

Spanish: umm...lots? I can count up pretty much as high as you might need to actually *count* (who's going to be -counting- over 100 things, eh?) I can say, "I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish. One moment, please." Technically, I speak muy pocquito espanol...I can read it fairly well, but speaking is too fast for me to understand much, and I don't have the vocabulary to say much. So I just say, "Lo siento, no hablo español. Un momento, por favor."

Latin: I used to be fluent enough to read the Bible in Latin. Now? I can read less Latin than I can Spanish...

French: Je ne parle pas français. Spoken with an accurate accent, but seriously. I do *not* speak French. I can count to 14. Past that I get it mixed up with Spanish for some reason and can't remember the French numbers. I can say I love you (Sandi Patti). I can sing Alouette, Frere Jacques, and the chorus of some ditty that my ex-husband's co-worker used to sing a *lot* and I have no idea what it means (he was from Quebec.)

German: I can count to five. Please and thank you. Good morning, good night, goodbye, yes, no. "Do you speak English?"

Italian: please and thank you is about the extent of my Italian. Beautiful...random words.

Russian: I can say hello (Buck Rogers' fault) and I love you (again, Sandi Patti's fault).

Hebrew: I love you is the entire extent of my Hebrew. :)

Afrikaans: "A little dictionary". I started to write it in Afrikaans then realized I don't remember how to spell it.

Japanese: count to ten (karate!) thank you. I can never remember how to say "please" no matter how many times Vicki tells me. Hello, good-bye, sweet, cute, and hawk.

Chinese-Mandarin: Hello

Probably bits and pieces of a few others that aren't coming to mind at the moment. Do other people pick up bits of languages like I do? I think maybe not, because co-workers always look at me oddly when I say good morning in various languages...
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
10 April 2012 @ 12:38 pm
It's not a problem if you buy a lot of something. It's not a problem if you really really like something and have a lot of it. It's a good sign there's a problem *somewhere* if you're doing anything that you feel like you need to hide. You need to take a good hard look at your own life and figure out WHY you feel the need to hide it. Do you actually think there's something wrong with what you're doing? If so, you need to stop doing it, because doing something you actually think is wrong is bad for you and your entire sense of self and self-worth. Do you think there's nothing wrong with what you're doing? Then why are you hiding it? Do you think someone else in your life would think badly of you for it? Then maybe you should reanalyze that relationship. Decide what you value more, your opinion or theirs. If you're actually ashamed of what you're doing and don't want other people to know about it, figure out WHY.

I've been told I'm a TMI-queen. I know I overshare. You know why? Because I DON'T DO ANYTHING I'M ASHAMED OF. Ever. At least not on purpose. I've been embarrassed by accidents, of course, but I gave up being dishonest with myself a decade and a half ago. THIS IS ME. Love it or get the hell out of my way, peeps. I do try to -limit- my sharing, because while I'm not ashamed of any part of my life, I also don't want to bother people who aren't interested. So I know which of my co-workers are interested in seeing my nails and which aren't. If anybody else happens to see them and asks, I'm more than willing to talk about it...but I don't go around shoving my new nail art in everybody's face. (But being autistic, I can't pick up on whether people are really interested in it or just humoring me, so I just flat out ASK them. That's me. Up front.)

I don't sunbathe nude on my front porch, even though I'd prefer to get an all-over tan. Not because I'm ashamed of my body, or because I care if people see it, but because I don't know my neighbors, and I have no idea if any of them would be offended by it. On the other hand, I do sometimes walk around my house naked, and no I don't care if the blinds are open or not. I don't care if anyone sees my body, and if they're looking in my windows and are offended by my nudity, that's their own fault for looking in my windows, not mine! ^_^

So if you've got something you're hiding from need to think about why. Most of the time, the only person you're hurting with what you're hiding is yourself.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful